Quote Of The Day

“But the problem for Democrats is not Mr. Rove; it’s that they’re doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result. That’s the definition of insanity.”– Joe Trippi , who managed Howard Dean’s presidential campaign, Writing In The Wall Street Journal

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  • Canada Deals With Bush-Dodgers

    The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada
    has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to
    stop the illegal immigration.

    The re-election of President Bush is prompting the exodus among
    left-leaning citizens who fear they’ll soon be required to hunt, pray and
    agree with Bill O’Reilly.

    Canadian border farmers say it’s not uncommon to see dozens of
    sociology professors, animal-rights activists and Unitarians crossing their
    fields at night.

    “I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood
    producer huddled in the barn,” said Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield,
    whose acreage borders North Dakota. The producer was cold, exhausted
    and hungry. “He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken.
    When I said I didn’t have any, he left. Didn’t even get a chance to show
    him my screenplay, eh?”

    In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences,
    but the liberals scaled them. So he tried installing speakers that blare
    Rush Limbaugh across the fields. “Not real effective,” he said.
    “The liberals still got through, and Rush annoyed the cows so much they wouldn’t give milk.”

    Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals
    near the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons, drive them
    across the border, and leave them to fend for themselves.
    “A lot of these people are not prepared for rugged conditions,” an
    Ontario border patrolman said. “I found one carload without a drop of
    drinking water. They did have a nice little Napa Valley cabernet, though.”

    When liberals are caught, they’re sent back across the border, often
    wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors have
    been circulating about the Bush administration establishing re-education
    camps in which liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and watch

    In the days since the election, liberals have turned to sometimes-ingenious
    ways of crossing the border. Some have taken to posing as senior citizens
    on bus trips to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a
    half-dozen young vegans disguised in powdered wigs, Canadian immigration
    authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior-citizen
    passengers. “If they can’t identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk
    Show, we get suspicious about their age,” an official said.

    Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are
    creating an organic-broccoli shortage and renting all the good Susan
    Sarandon movies. “I feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy
    just can’t support them ,” an Ottawa resident said.
    “How many art-history majors does one country need?”

    In an effort to ease tensions between the United States and Canada, Vice
    President Dick Cheney met with the Canadian ambassador and pledged
    that the administration would take steps to reassure liberals, a source
    close to Cheney said. “We’re going to have some Peter, Paul & Mary concerts.
    And we might put some endangered species on postage stamps.
    The president is determined to reach out.”

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