Gustavo Arellano, the writer of !Ask A Mexican! for the Orange County Weekly is a weekly read for me and more often than not, his posts make me laugh. Take his November 2nd response to a reader who asks what will happen to white people if Mexicans become the biggest raza group in the United States:
Dear Wab: That’s the 64,000-peso question, Mex. Demographics show that Mexican birth rates grow even as those of gabachos fall. The Jim Gilchrists of this country predict chaos and a goat in every backyard once there are more Mexicans than gabachos; pro-amnesty activists claim Mexicans will assimilate into this country’s fabric just as previous immigrant groups did. I’m among the latter, and propose we’ll be the most American ethnic group yet. Taking historical cues from our gabacho forefathers, Mexicans will ridicule English speakers and dismiss them as lazy minorities with funny-sounding surnames and traditions. We’ll do what gabachos were always too pussy to try—take over Mexico—and create a true NAFTA, bringing further riches to the United States and ending the illegal immigration problem for good. Then, we’ll become too complacent and fat and gabachos will plot the takeover of their ancestral lands by having more babies and agitating for affirmative action and Gabacha/o Studies programs. What’s the moral of the story? Protect your children’s future, gabachos. Treat Mexicans well and encourage their simpático ways. Otherwise, we might just become Americans.
That made me laugh. Another favorite of mine was when he discussed Chicanoism and University Chicano Studies Programs. He wrote, “…most Mexicans and children of Mexican immigrants wish Chicanismo would go the way of the Frito Bandito” and continued that with “The culture of Chicano activism, while fighting the good fight, also creates insufferable, self-righteous bores whose idea of political humor is screaming “GO BACK TO EUROPE, PILGRIM!” at geriatric gabachos. I blame Chicano studies, which corrupt the brains of young Mexicans with antiquated concepts like victimization, objectification and grade inflation, all anathema to the libertarian Mexican soul”.
Of course this is what most Mexican-Americans I know believe as well, but it is always refreshing to hear another fellow Mexican say it in a public venue.
Either way, if you want a good laugh and if you want to learn more of why Mexicans do the things that we do, Gustavo Arellano’s !Ask A Mexican! posts are a must read.